Posted by Shortelise on September 11, 2005, at 1:17:56
I don't know if I am to see my T on Monday or not, don't know because although my calaendar says I have an appointment, the receptionist didn't make the reminder call she always does. So now I wonder, and if I had thought about it before 4:00 on Friday I would have called. So I am worried. Not vomit and cry kind of worrying, but anxious, yes, that's the word, anxious.
It astonishes me. I've been feeling like a more or less normal person (or what I imagine a normal person feels like), and then yesterday and today, I have a bad case of crankiness. Everything pisses me off, if I am alone, I wonder where everyone is and why they aren't with me, if I am surrounded by people, I wish they'd all go away.
I feel mean. What's that from? Oh, "Harriet the Spy" But I do, I feel mean and angry. I want to bite, scratch, and break the dishes, but frankly I'm to tired to any such thing. I slept at least ten hours last night, then two hours this afternoon, and I'm about to go to bed now, and it's not yet 11.
My family is descending on my home in about a month, they'll stay at a neighbours who will be away and have left their four bedroom house at our disposal, so it really could be much worse. But I am anxious about that. My "best" friend is arrives for a visit tomorrow and I'am afraid we've changed too mcuh to still be such close friends. A young Peruvian woman whom I met at work called me and asked for help because the family she's a nanny for let her go with no notice. She'll come tomorrow and I'll try to help her find a new place in a family, if not, she'll have to stay here for a while.
This is not depression, maybe it's stress, but man, I'm cranky and tired. And if I don't in fact have an appointment to see my T on Monday, I'll be even crankier.
Up until now, I've been ok with not having seen him for ... I guess it's been three weeks. But right now, I miss him. I really miss him. I want to sit down with my husband and tell him, talk to him about what I feel and see if he can help me through it, but I feel that's a burden to him, that it tires him, and maybe he resents it. He seems always ready to help me in the way he feels comfortable with, but the things I need to talk through with him aren't always in his comfort zone, nor is he aware of how to talk about them. So I feel like I need my T right now.
Sigh. I'm going to bed now. I can only hope this slothful crankiness fades soon.
Thanks for listening.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:553558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/553558.html