Posted by Tamar on September 4, 2005, at 14:18:40
In reply to Re: Where we left off...........***trigger*** » Tamar, posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 12:42:50
Hi Fairywings,
I’m glad your husband is so awesome. It’s great that you have that kind of support after everything you’ve been through.
I don’t know why talking works either, but it worked for me. I told my therapist I didn’t want to say the words out loud because it would make it all seem real… but he said that maybe naming my experiences and describing them could give me power over them, or something like that.
It sounds as if your experience telling your former therapist about being raped was quite traumatic, especially if you have a physical reaction when you think about it. And I can’t imagine why he would say that the guys who raped you would see it as consensual. Why on earth would he think that was something useful to say to you?
I think there are some very serious misconceptions about acquaintance rape. I thought for years that the guys who raped me would have seen it as consensual because I couldn’t imagine that they really meant to attack me. But having thought about it a lot over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that men who commit acts of acquaintance rape know perfectly well that the woman isn’t consenting to it – but they tell themselves she actually wants it; she’s enjoying it; she doesn’t really mean no. Women often have automatic physical responses to sexual violence that they can’t control, and rapists use these as ‘evidence’ that the woman enjoyed it really. So the acquaintance rapists know it’s not really consensual, but they think it’s OK to coerce women into sex. I suppose they might say the woman consented when what they mean is that the woman wanted it, although neither is true.
To be honest, I wish your former therapist would take a postgraduate level course in feminism and gender politics. I apologise if I’m out of line; it’s just such a common experience for women that I think all therapists should know how to handle it sensitively.
I’m so glad you feel you can trust your new therapist, and that he has reassured you and reacted in a genuine way. And maybe if you give it a little bit of time you will feel able to discuss all this with him.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:550256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550619.html