Posted by fairywings on September 3, 2005, at 21:09:36
In reply to Re: Where we left off........... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on September 3, 2005, at 7:03:05
Thank you everyone for responding to me. I ran the issues by my husband this evening. He knew basics but not details, he knew my parents well enough to know it was difficult. Tonight I explained why my mom blamed me for my parents affair after I was raped, and then their divorce. And how I ended up with a shrink who wasn't good for me, and what led to the SI, which only happened once, but still haunts me.
It took me a little over an hour to tell him, leaving out the details of the rape. He agrees it's important to tell my T because it's such a huge part of what happened to me, he was shocked and hurt for me, and thought leaving it out leaves a huge gap in my history - age 15 - 17, and a lot of hurt and anger. He understands now why I can't just "let go", like he has always wanted me to do; he knows he still doesn't know everything.
Anyway,
Annie, I hope you are right, I hope telling him is healing somehow. Telling my husband was really hard, and afterwards I just felt dirty.
Rainbow, you asked if I gave the name of a T and possibly this is why the T was defensive. No, this was in a different city, and years ago. I think he just didn't want to hear the details, didn't want to deal with the messy stuff.
Happy, I think you're right, nothing else would make sense at all if I leave this out. I hope he wants the whole picture and isn't like the last T, if he is, I'll be crushed and done.
10der, my husband thought too that having it in writing might be good just because it took so long for me to tell him, and reading it might take less time, BUT I don't want this on paper when my mom died I was so glad that there was no one left who knew the details of my past, no one left to throw my past up in my face, like she did for so many years. So maybe write it down, but don't let him keep it!? I think telling him that it was my perception that my last T seemed not to want to talk about this might be okay. I don't think he would react badly if I told him this even though they work together. But my husband and I agreed that I will not tell him specific comments that my last T made since they work together, and some of the comments were just outright wrong.
Thanks falls, I think it would be good to tell him that it was my perception that my last T acted as if this was off limits because it does make it more difficult for me to talk about this. As a matter of fact, I hate to admit this to anyone, but the appt. when I told the last T about the rape, was the appt. when he took the personal phone call! I think if this T knew that, he'd be outraged, and rightfully so, but I don't want to see him outraged. I don't want to discuss the rape with him because of that, it was not beneficial to talk about it last time. I will tell him that it happened, and I will tell him why I won't talk about it now, but I won't discuss it, maybe sometime later. I have my reasons, there were other comments, and it didn't help. I know he wouldn't do the same thing, but.....well, you know.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:550256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550476.html