Posted by Racer on September 3, 2005, at 17:25:19
In reply to Re: Crisis - T became so defensive /may be triggering, posted by kerria on September 3, 2005, at 6:41:35
Kerria, from everything you've written here and on the other board, it really sounds as though you kinda need to look at finding another source of crisis support -- and I'd opine another T.
In a crisis, when you can't get through to your T, you do have other options in your community: somewhere around you, there is a suicide prevention or general crisis or other emotional support board. It may not be easy to find, but it is out there. If you have trouble finding a few in the telephone book, ask your T to get the numbers for you. (That's the least he can do, really, and it's not asking too much.) Then, if something like this happens again, you can leave a message for your T to call back -- and then get on the telephone to talk to someone who will -- 1.) Answer the telephone and talk to you right that minute; 2.) Listen to you, without getting defensive. 3.) Have a list of all the local resources available to you right in front of him/her. 4.) Will not leave you more broken up than when you picked up the telephone. Truly, Kerria, those crisis lines can be life-saving in a crisis.
As for your T, I won't belabor the point about why you might need a new one, one more suited to your needs. What I will do, though, is a little bit of my standard whip-cracking, which is the part that I'm afraid might offend or be triggering for you. Please know, whatever you think of it, that it's meant in the kindest way, and written in concern for you and for your safety.
OK, you wrote:
"i'm afraid. i wish i could find a T that could help- it's too difficult to change- no one will take me- they all know my T and each other."
OK, so they all know one another. That doesn't mean that they all *like* one another, or that they all *respect* one another as clinicians. Heck, kiddo -- I've liked collegues for whom I had less than zero respect for their abilities. (And I've heartily disliked some whose abilities I've admired. {shrug} Not much in life is black and white.) It may be that every therapist in your area knows every other therapist, but it may also be that half of the other therapists around you think your current T is too rigid with his boundary setting, or that he's not responsive enough to client needs, or that he's just not as good with vulnerable women as he is with more aggressive clients. And you know what? The *only* way to find out if another therapist out there is a better fit for you is to try. You can do a telephone interview to see if a T 'feels' right to you, or at least enough to warrant a visit. If you don't like the T during that visit, you don't have to change -- you can stay with your current T, either instead of changing, or until you find a better fit.
As for not being able to find anyone to see you, I just went through something very, very similar. I'm an adult, and have been getting treatment for Anorexia Nervosa -- Restricting Subtype. Well, it turns out that the Eating Disorder specialists around here will see adults with Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, etc -- even AN-Binge-Purge Subtype, in a pinch. Guess what they won't treat? What I have. One even said to me, "I don't think you'll find anyone who'll see you -- you know why, don't you?" "Uh -- no?" "Patients with Anorexia *die*!" "Oh, OK, I'll go starve to death now. Thanks for your time." Mind you, all I'd need to do to find treatment was to start purging -- get sicker in order to get help. NOT.
Anyway, to make my long story longer, I called all the local ED specialists, then started through the list again -- and the one that I really wanted to see agreed to see me, she's great, I'm feeling very safe with her, and I think maybe making a tiny bit of progress already. First time I spoke to her, though, she wasn't comfortable with seeing me. {shrug} Don't know what changed that.
The point to all this is that you won't know whether someone out there will see you unless you ask.
Basically, it sounds as though you are doing something I do a lot. I do this sort of thing with my family a lot. Here's the sort of thinking involved: "I want to say something to my aunt about her saying just now that I should 'get off my fat *ss' [remember the anorexia part], but if I remind her of the anorexia and not to make that sort of comment to me, she'll get defensive, and then she'll say I'm too sensitive and need to toughen up, and then I'll feel even worse -- so I should just keep my mouth shut now so that I don't feel even worse." I've just had an entire conversation with myself, all of it hurtful to me, and my aunt has had no input at all! Maybe she would have said something like, "I'm sorry, Honey, I realized it was a mistake as soon as it came out of my mouth. You know that I say nasty things before I think, I wish I could learn not to." (Reality Check: It's much more likely that she'd say something so upsetting that I'd sick up my dinner -- this was all at the dinner table -- but I've still not given her the chance to choose which she'd do.) Does that all make sense to you? And do you think that that's the sort of thing you're doing with the idea of calling some other Ts?
Can you think about calling around for another T as a way of protecting one or more of your parts? That way, maybe you wouldn't feel as though you were doing something for yourself, which might make it easier? Just a thought.
Best luck, and I hope something changes soon for you.
poster:Racer
thread:549875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550415.html