Posted by annierose on August 22, 2005, at 15:54:39
In reply to Re: Dasiy - how are you doing? » annierose, posted by daisym on August 22, 2005, at 0:02:05
Dasiy -
I'm in a semi-bad state of mind right now, I probably shouldn't be posting. But here I go, forgive me if I'm not myself.
My T tried to explained that neediness feeling, as a form of anxiety, of not really knowing how she feels (even though I do intellectually know she cares about me). I told her about a line from the book you reccommended way back, "A Shining Afflication". Annie Rogers mentions that the feeling we are most afraid of has already happened. That resonated with me. My T reminded me that it's the memory of being unloved and unengaged as a child that makes me uncomfortable with people I'm close to. In other words, what are the "really" thinking/feeling about me? ... it a constant question I harbor inside myself. (I really thought the book was powerful, btw. Loved it, and would like to read it again in another year.)
D - "Do you think it is because we feel like we have to check in about what we told them? I always wonder if he shakes his head and sighs after I leave"
For me, "check in" means check with how my T is feeling about me. Does she still care after I told her this or that? Is she still on my side? I don't think either of our T's shake their heads or sighs ... at least not on a regular basis.
Yes, it is a dance. And today, she didn't want dance with me. Very odd session. I was so happy time was up. I told her I felt very defensive today. I hate feeling defensive. I just couldn't feel her today. She wasn't there, although she walked, talked, smiled. Aarrgh!! I want to be a 2 year old and throw a tantrum.
I hope your session went better. Let me know how it went.
poster:annierose
thread:544894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050813/msgs/545218.html