Posted by pinkeye on July 29, 2005, at 20:40:54
Dear Ms. Lott,
I have one more question to you, more on your personal experience than anything else - why is that women always intensely like and long for little older, authoritative, and supposedly wiser men? Like teachers, therapists, doctors etc? And when such a man is unavailable, it increases the attraction. Why is that way? My therapist says, it is because I am somewhat attracted to my father, and that I perceive other authoritative men who are unavailable as such, and my deep attraction comes out with such force. Is that so?
What is it that draws a woman so much to these kind of men, and at the same time dislike them for the power they have over our relationships? I hate when someone controls me. But yet, I long for the same relationship with a man.
You have said so yourself that you were always attracted to such men. And I have the same problem. I have experienced the same exact thing you described above - "With men I tend to be more flirty and to treat them as wise authority figures while at the same time,half-expecting them to be idiots"
And the problem with such men is that, they automatically assume that they know everything and especially they think that they know more than us. And they won't listen, or change, or grasp a better thing when I say it. But yet, I like them. And simulateneously resent them for being so adamant and stupid and authoritative. But I get attracted to such adamant behavior also.
And I believe it is the same problem with many many women. What is it in your opinion that makes us behave like this? And how would you suggest, that we start appreciating men who are more emotionally empathetic, wise, caring and affectionate, and who will listen to us and will give us respect and who will change when we point out their mistakes? Typically, me and some women I know, tend to dismiss very good guys like that as "not attractive" or "feminine" or "too soft" and repeatedly get attracted to "authoritative, adamant, and inevitably little stupid, and dogmatic guys". Why is it that we think of the later as more attractive, and not real good characteristic?
poster:pinkeye
thread:535438
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535438.html