Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 21:14:48
In reply to Maybe all along I have been really stupid » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 20:54:18
Maybe this is the time to remove those magnifying glasses.. After all, they are also just humans right? Not God.. How can they alone be more powerful, or know more, or support me more? What right do they have to expect anything of me, that I prove to them? And really, how good they can be in guiding me or knowing what is good for me? Maybe to a certain extent they can point out mistakes, and help me - but nothing that any babblers here cannot do. Or my current T. Or even for that matter, myself.
If they are affectionate towards me and understanding and mature and sensible, I can like them. In my father's case, he is affectionate but not understanding or mature or sensible. In my ex T's case, maybe he is understanding and mature and sensible, but not affectionate towards me, then I why should I really give them this much of importance in my life? Why should I really bother liking my ex T? Why should I really bother having tried to prove myself to him or to my father? Why would they be better than me? Maybe I didn't know some stuff earlier, but now I learnt.. and maybe I can just have the gratitude to him for having helped me, and if I want, I can fantasize whenever.. but why even bother about him this much to the point of going crazy??
I really need not.. and it is about time. What a waste of my time and energy that I have done.. I could have had much more fun instead of all this pain and hurt and anger. If he wants to not write to me, big deal.. So what? He is not the only psychiatrist or the only person who understands things.. There are plenty of others. He helped me a lot, and I can have extra gratitude, but not to the point of killing myself over the hurt like this. Why should I even bother trying to communicate more or explain more or anything?? I am as good as he is. And same thing with my dad - if he is going to say anything about me one more day or try to ask me to do anything to prove to him - I am going to not do it. Even now he is trying to be pessimistic of my capacities.. he is saying I won't get a job in any compnay in India.. and that my future won't be good etc etc.. Why should I even listen to all these crap? He said 4 weeks back that my husband would not get a job, and now he has 3 offers with good salary. Why should I listen to my father at all? He doens't really understand anything.
poster:pinkeye
thread:521616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521739.html