Posted by littleone on June 4, 2005, at 20:04:51
Borders is my safe haven. When I'm feeling bad, the very best comfort available for me is to buy a psych book. I *never* go to Borders without looking through the psych section.
Needless to say, I have a *lot* of psych books. Sometimes I spend far too much money on books. And it was during one of those times that my T asked why I was buying all these books. What questions I wanted answered.
And that's been perculating away inside of me for a while. And it's true. Every time I buy a book, it's because I want a question answered. Sometimes the book helps and sometimes it doesn't. But even if it's helped, it's never fixed things. It just helps a bit with understanding.
And it usually has generalised answers. Not answers specific to me. What I really want is the book on "How to make littleone all better". (Dr Bob, your double quotes aren't working).
And I think that for a little while now, I've started to think that maybe possibly perhaps my T has better answers for me than any book available. That my T can help me in a way that no book can.
But with that realisation has come a dropping off in my faith in books. They no longer bring me the comfort they once did. Instead I'll look at one and wonder how disappointing it will be. And I wouldn't mind that so much if I could that comfort from my T instead.
But I can't. I can't really call him between sessions. And I certainly can't contact him on weekends which is when I need the most comforting. And sometimes it's stuff he's said/done that I need comforting over.
So I've lost my comfort in books and I don't have anything to replace it. It makes me sad. I miss my books. I miss my source of comfort.
I find that reading babble is a comfort. Even when I can't post. But I live over an hour away from my computer. I can't just jump on anytime I like. I used to carry my books with me *everywhere*. They were *always* with me. I could turn to them anytime I wanted.
I feel alone without my books.
poster:littleone
thread:507765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/507765.html