Posted by Tamar on May 25, 2005, at 16:21:44
In reply to Re: Approximate relationships » alexandra_k, posted by pegasus on May 25, 2005, at 11:10:01
I thought the idea of therapy relationships as approximate was interesting. I’ve tended to think of my relationship with my ex T as something completely unlike all other relationships, rather than something approximating to other relationships (although I know there’s been some of that too).
I was very struck by the part under the heading Love, where she says,
‘The therapist’s love is always limited – no therapist can sustain a therapy relationship in which she loves freely because to love freely is to want something back, and to want back is to jeopardize the therapy. Love between two adults requires a two-way relationship, a negotiation of needs, a meshing of realities.’I wonder if all this is necessarily true. Is it true that to love freely means to want something back? Is it even possible to prevent oneself from loving freely? I always thought that love was something outside our control. Also, is it wrong for a therapist to want something back, even if that something is that the client makes an effort to engage with the therapy?
I loved Renee’s Story, at the end of the chapter. And I think it’s significant that Lott says Renee ‘could safely allow herself the vulnerability of loving him and feeling loved.’
Is feeling loved also an approximation? I guess it must be... so why doesn’t it *feel* like an approximation?
poster:Tamar
thread:491935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502815.html