Posted by pinkeye on May 14, 2005, at 18:22:32
For those of you who have been following up my posts about my dad..
So on friday I called up home, and started talking casually, but then without realizing it myself, I started telling my dad everything. All that went in childhood, how it hurt me, how I felt so bad, how I had always kept things inside myself, how irresponsible he was, how he treated me like a companion instead of like a child, how it affected me.
And as expected he denied everything. He acknowledged some of it, mostly his irresponsibility in finance management, and his lifetime lack of earnings. But he said he brought me up pretty well, he never did a mistake, that he was just acting spontaneously and all that hugging and everything was just affection. He said he had never terrorized me, he never forced me to do anything, he said he always loved me a lot and didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do myself. He said he didn't try to seclude me from others - or my mom.
But my mom - was hearing all that I said on the phone as well, and she burst into tears - she confirmed everything I said.. She said I was 100 % correct in my memories. She said my dad forced me to not even talk to her many times, and that he wouldn't allow me to talk to other people closely.. She said she always knew - but was too afraid of my dad to admit.
But she also acknowledged that whatever my dad did, he did out of affection.. that he was not a bad person. And I know it. He meant very well.. and I think he thought he was beign extremely affectionate towards his daughter.
And I know he thought he was doing the right thing. Only it is pretty funny how my dad always talks everything correctly, but ends up doing and causing the exact opposite.
He says people should be very happy, but made my life and my mom's life miserable.
He can talk about country's economics and world economics, but he didn't know how to manage my home's finance.
He can talk about how good it is to be courageous, and to explore the world, but managed to make me so afraid of everything and so afraid of the world.
He talks about how I should be a strong and good woman, but managed to confuse the heck out of my sexuality.
He talks about love, how a family should be, how men should be majestic and how woman should be a very nice career plus personal life combination, but he made my mom completely like a doormat. She is afraid to even talk to any of my relatives. And within 5 mins of saying how you should treat everyone very well, he will shout so much at my mom.
I wonder how a person can know everything and not be able to do anything correctly.
But I forgave my father - whatever he did, I have forgiven him. There is still a problem in that he is not taking any responsibility financially, and I am supporting them, and it will be a quite a bit of burden when I return back to India. And I don't know how I will manage that. And he still is very arrogant and proud and contradicts himself a lot, but that is the best he can do at 58.
poster:pinkeye
thread:497794
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497794.html