Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 19:39:19
In reply to _______, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 19:22:22
I am really sorry you are hurting so much. Termination is very very hard. But you know what, one person is not the end of the world.
I am sure she cared very much for you .. and she doesn't put one word to describe you. I think she probably thought, that may be one key thing you need to work on. But I am sure she thought of you as several differnt things other than anger.
And giving a book is a nice gesture on her part. Many of us don't get that much.
Don't you remember that she even gave your cat a toy? She does care about you.
But she is a T. And this is her job. She needs to let go of people constantly - otherwise she is hurting herself and hurting her patients in the long run. And I know it hurts immensely, but I am sure you can call her a few times more. And maybe you can drop in once after 3 months or something. This is not the end of everything.
I so wish you will not hurt so much.
I know it is incredibly hard, and it will probably hurt you for quite some time. But I do know that it will get better. It did for me. And I know it will get better for you as well. I used to think he was the only one who understood me, and who I could bond with. But now I realize that it doesn't have to be that way. I can bond with so many other people - little bit here, little bit there, and if I make an effort to reach out to people, people will reach out to me.
You can see a practical evidence on my posts from 3 months back and this last week. How many people reached out to me 3 months back, and how many people reached out to me now? Significantly lot more. That is because I reached out. You can do the same.. There are lot of wonderful people here, who will care very deeply about you. And nobody will ever terminate you here, and people who once comes to this board, stick here pretty much forever. So you can get close to people in this board. It has been of immense immense help (I cannot stress how helpful it had been to me - how Dinah, and Susan, and JenStar, and Sunny and Tamar and you and 10derHeart and so many others have taken care of me so very much). I feel now I lost one T, but gained 20 other people in my life. That doesn't mean I don't have a special place for my T. I will always have that. But that relationship had to come to an end, and there was nothing else I could do about it. Life is like that. But I almost feel like saying "The king is dead. Long Live the king". I had to lose one person, but I found many others. And I am sure if I continue to work on myself, and keep myself well, one day - maybe months from now I can still write to my T, and he might acknowledge it alteast, even if I don't keep in regular contact. I am sure your T will give you that to you as well.
poster:pinkeye
thread:497356
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497501.html