Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 13:51:18
In reply to anger, posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2005, at 5:56:35
I am going to reply with the same answer as I answered to SHort E above, because maybe it is the same thing.
"From what I understood from myself, things happen all the time - bad things and good things. But depending on the state of midn that I am in, I either let the good things occupy my mind or the bad thing occupy my mind.
I guess it is just a way your brain chemicals are functioning at that particular point.
One day, I might let a fight with my hsuband go without cribbing about it, the other day, I might make a big hue and cry for even a smaller fight.
I have learnt that to keep my mind and heart in balance, some kind of meditation helps and religious outlook helps. Or if you have a very nice and happy person around, that might help too. The thing is to always have some positive input around you which you can lean on when you have troubles in your life - be it either God or social support or husband or garden or something."
> I don't know why I didn't fall apart when I heard the funding didn't come through. That is the sort of thing that sometimes does it - and other times doesn't. I don't know why sometimes things are just too much for me, and why other times I can just fairly much battle on. T says it has to do with what coping strategies I use etc etc. I think that is rubbish. The point is that sometimes I can cope and other times I can't. And I don't know why sometimes I can and other times I can't. I don't get it.
>
> I pretty much just put it away.
> Didn't dwell on it.
> But I don't get why sometimes I can put things away whereas other times I can't.
>
> But I have done this.
>
> Sometimes it occurs to me that the funding didn't come through. And I really think about it. Usually just before I go off to sleep.
>
> Anger / rage.
>
> Then I put it away and continue to function.
> Other times
>
> Sadness / despair.
>
> The same.
>
> T wanted to talk about it a bit.
> I said I didn't really want to.
> That not talking about it
> Not thinking about it
> Is what is enabling me to function.
> But she did want to talk about it...
> I said I felt mad sometimes.
> That I got afraid with how mad I felt.
> And I didn't want to talk about it because I was scaired I'd get mad and not be able to put it away.
> And then I feel the urge to send abusive letters or whatever.
> In fact...
> I get this urge / mental pic / something of going in and beating the sh*t out of them or something like that. Of course I would NEVER do that. But the intensity of the anger scaires me.
>
> She said I should talk about it because if I don't then I am leaving it open for me to miss time and actually do some of that stuff.
>
> Crap.
> Thats not bloody fair.
> How am I supposed to function then?
> I can't afford to think about it.
>
> I told her about my thesis instead.
>
> I never told her I felt sad.
> Maybe next time.
>
> It is funny. There is overlap around the edges. I'm really seeing that now. I'm quite aware of it. The edges. It feels funny. I don't like it.
>
> :-(
poster:pinkeye
thread:497207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497379.html