Posted by B2chica on May 9, 2005, at 10:53:48
In reply to (((((B2chica))))) (nm) » B2chica, posted by gardenergirl on May 9, 2005, at 10:21:22
ok, ok....here it goes the short version-with a lump in my throat i need to say it fast, close my eyes, click the stupid submit button and run to the bathroom before i get sick.
i can't say all of it, but i guess a bit at a time.it's always been easier for me to say it first here before i say it in session.
believe in karma anyone?
my so-called sad story? i was led(i want to say forced-but only to a degree) into a situation by my best girlfriend that endedup in R@p# (two different times-same guy) my struggle has been great with this. a few years ago she killed herself...i left it unresolved and has eaten me alive.
i finally got this out to my T a few weeks ago.the karma comes with what i swear is killing me inside out. the karma comes because i realized(remembered) recently that i myself, did a similar thing to a girl when i was young. me and a neighbor girl were put into a 'compromising' situation and i was able to run out-get a way and i just left her there. i just freaking left her there with these two older kids. how could i have done that to her?
i'm sure she was molested if not r@ped. the guy that i think did it was a neighbor kid that used to babysit me. (not much older than myself). but i remember feeling glad that he started to pay alot of 'attention' to her after that...
i was glad because... that meant he would leave me alone. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Me, that's all i cared about! i knew, i'm sure i knew what was happening.
She later showed all the signs, she became sexually permiscuous, low self-esteem got pregnant when she was 16, dropped out of school, got married.
i did this. i did it, i sealed a fate for her. because of my own selfish needs. i was cold-detached and glad D@MN IT!
it makes me sick to my stomach to think of how i felt.
poster:B2chica
thread:494086
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495542.html