Posted by alexandra_k on April 28, 2005, at 23:07:49
In reply to Re: Hmm » alexandra_k, posted by fallsfall on April 28, 2005, at 6:48:26
> What are you supposed to do with it? Maybe be patient with yourself.
Hmm. I think I need to have this go out of my mind. Really. It has been going round and round for the last month. But school starts back on Monday (well, Tuesday for me) and so I need to put it away for 6 weeks to just get through school. At the moment I am just Babbling and bed. Just Babbling and bed... That has to stop. I thought getting it out may help me to put it away. It has to go away tomorrow. Really. I need to prepare for next week.
> Then you can start to work on why do you have those patterns.I guess it is just 'abandonment' stuff that goes all the way back to my father. My mother never got to abandon me because to do that you have to be perceived as actually being there for a time before you leave. But I never ever felt like she was there for me. My father wasn't really. Just one of those illusions. Terminations aren't abandonments I suppose. But I see them that way. I do get terminated a lot. That is true. I don't know if that is because of anything I do to stabotage that or what. I worry about that. But I guess the problem is seeing them as 'abandonments'.
> It might be worth talking to her about what her role *is*, and why you aren't clear about her role. (Maybe if she isn't your "therapist", then she won't have to leave you?)
Hmm. Maybe if she is my therapist then I won't get another one. One who knows how to help me with respect to the DID stuff. One who knows what to do with me. She doesn't know that stuff. She is just seeing me 'cause she feels sorry for me till someone else picks me up. I don't know what will happen if the funding doesn't come through. She said before she wouldn't see me if p-doc wasn't. But then I think she sees that she had better not terminate me now.
See her next Friday.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:490699
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491246.html