Posted by pinkeye on March 28, 2005, at 21:00:51
In reply to Re: That is certainly the safest way to live » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 28, 2005, at 20:38:33
I am just too scared.. it is so hard for your heart to grasp what your brain knows. In my mind I know he couldn't have cared for me possibly.. that I was just a patient, and all he wanted was to help and he was indifferent to me all along. If he had to care about each of his patient and get attached to them in return, it would have made his life hell for him. But in my heart, I keep wishing that somehow I was different.. that he made this exception just once.. and that he liked me and cared for me - not just as a patient, but as a person he knew.. That what I said and chose to share made a difference to him, and not just irrelevant babble. That he liked me too, need not be too much, but atleast a tiny bit. I am not able to take indifference.. it feels almost I am insulted hugely.. that after 2 and a half years of sharing everything, he couldn't bring himself to say that he liked me even a tiny bit. I know he meant well and wanted to help me, and I am not angry with him. I am angry with myself, for being such an irrelevant person. I am so disappointed in myself. I must be the one who is not worth it.
poster:pinkeye
thread:476832
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/476943.html