Posted by shrinking violet on March 25, 2005, at 11:13:37
In reply to countertransference in therapist LONG, posted by LG04 on March 21, 2005, at 8:04:30
Hi LG04,
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much because of this....I know how it can feel.
I'm glad that you're going to talk to your T soon; please post and let us know how it goes.
My T has done similar things as your T, particularly with e-mails. At first, she allowed them, since it was the only way I could communicate with her. Then she tried to take it away....which caused a similar reaction to yours. I felt like she was cutting off the only way I knew of to communicate with her, since I cannot speak in sessions, and I am much more comfortable with the written word and thinking/talking in my head (oh, if I could speak the way I write!). We still go back and forth on this issue, and it's difficult. I wish she'd choose one side and let it be. But then, given my boundaries are so loose with her, I often blatantly go against her request for no emails, when I need to communicate something to her but know I can't do it in person. My T has also done this in other ways: saying things, taking them back, saying them again, giving things, then taking them away, then giving them back....Inconsistencies do not sit well with me, and I think that given the intimate relationship we have with our T's, and how vulnerable we can be with them, we NEED some structure and rules and knowlege that they know what they're doing, especially when we are unsure.
But, T's are also human (eegads!), and they really don't have one set standard rules to follow. Different things work with different clients, and T's sometimes try things but then realize they aren't working, and need to tweak their approach a bit. And these changes affect us, sometimes very deeply and profoundly, as you recently discovered.
I do hope you and your T can work this out and get past this. It seems like you both want to, and it seems the relatiosnhip you have with her is worth trying to save. I wish you luck.
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:473495
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/475387.html