Posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2005, at 23:54:10
Okay, we went even deeper into Freudian stuff this time. A lot of my fear of aggression seems related to what he called "phallic" aggression. Um, male stuff. I also have been talking to him about sex issues. Kind of funny how I am talking about sex and aggression in the same sessions. Oh wait, not really. He asked me "Is it too simple to say that this all started after the rape?" Um, no. Not too simple. That's it.
But then we also talked about growing up and realizing my Dad has some sex issues, too. And how he didn't want me to get my ears pierced until I was 18. Actually, he never wanted me to. He said it was mutilating my body. My T thinks it was actually because it meant I was growing into a woman instead of a little girl. And if he had any incestuous feelings towards me, that would be bad for me to grow up. And would also have freaked him out, although I think he would repress them. He represses everything.
So, anyway, given all that, and thinking that I get all tensed up with anything sexual lately, I was thinking about my weight gain. I wonder if it's really all related to being on an MAOI, or if I am bingeing now as a way to avoid sex. If I don't feel attractive, and my husband doesn't see he as attractive (although he denies that), then no sex, right?
Any thoughts about any of this? I know it's kind of disjointed.
Oh, and another thought. I feel really really close to my T now. I've always felt attached, but lately there's just this new trust and closeness that is really comforting. I suppose if there is someone you can tell your fantasies too and not feel ashamed of them, that's gotta lead to feeling closer. Looked him in the eye as I said them and another sex word. Yeah me!
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:463908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/463908.html