Posted by mair on February 21, 2005, at 22:34:23
In reply to Re: My T Just Called Me » mair, posted by littleone on February 21, 2005, at 15:05:55
> I get so mixed up over my sessions. eg if I have a really good one and I'm left feeling really good, I usually want to skip the next one because I don't want to ruin the good feeling. But by the same token, because I'm feeling good, I'm eager to go to my next session.
>
> Likewise, if I have a really terrible session and feel terrible afterwards, I'm usually overly keen to go again to try and rid myself of the bad feelings. But because I'm feeling so bad, I just want to crawl in my shell and stay away from the evil nasty therapy.
>
> Hope that all made sense. Guess I was trying to say that if your last session wasn't that flash, are the odds good that your next one will be better?
I don't mind hard sessions; to some extent, if they're not a little hard, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything or getting anywhere. These might be exhausting sessions, but I don't leave feeling worse than when I walked in. I guess as a general rule, the hard ones are maybe when we're talking about some issue I have with her.
For me, the bad sessions are the one where there is this horrible push pull - where I can't verbalize what's most on my mind. Frequently those come when I'm feeling or thinking the worst about myself, and the difficulty I have verbalizing in therapy just makes whatever I'm feeling about myself so much worse. And they are usually followed by better, sometimes even good sessions. It's almost like I have to totally burn out on my own self-hatred, before I can start having a more constructive conversation with her.What's made things so difficult lately, maybe, is that we have been talking alot about our relationship, which is hard. But i've also been dealing with some acute feelings of worthlessness and really struggling at work, (for reference see almost any of Dinah's recent posts) and trying to tap into all of that is just bad.
I do sort of like the idea of the therapy barometer. I used to have so much more control over all this. I could often adroitly steer our discussions away from the difficult topics, and she wasn't always the wiser.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:461223
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/461596.html