Posted by LG04 on February 18, 2005, at 23:36:29
In reply to Re: T and Valentine's Day » LG04, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 18, 2005, at 12:37:16
hi, it's also validating for me that you feel the same way!
and for me too, part of it is my fear that her husband will hurt her! i made her promise that he is nice and safe and nothing will happen to her!it was hard for me to tell her. i felt these feelings for over a year (not at all times, it would come up at different times) and never told her until now. what a relief. she was great about it. she understood immediately that it's not about her, that it's transference. i asked her if she thinks differently of me now, is it awful what i feel, if we could still hug after sessions, etc., and she was as reassuring as can be. she said everything i am feeling is normal for what happened to me. that any "little girl" in my situation would feel similarly.
were you sexually abused? i was, by my father, so my fear that her husband will hurt her (i.e. my dad will hurt my mom) makes total sense.
and i was so emotionally starved by my mom, i desperately wanted her attention, all of it. and she was so symbiotic with me that i "learned" that people belong to each other. (my dad abusing me taught me this too). so i wanted my mom all to myself, i thought that's how relationships are. we don't share people.
and lots more. it's so complicated. but all very normal for the way i was raised, and i am simply projecting/transferring this all onto my therapist.
i don't know if any of this resonates with you. i'm interested to hear. but what i can say is that jealousy is such a sucky feeling. i really have a hard time dealing with jealousy. i am not normally a jealous kind of person. and this jealousy goes so deep, it's like a knife in my heart.
she went on vacation this week and some of the jealousy has subsided, but i am afraid that next time we talk, it will come back in full force. i just have to keep remembering it's about my mom, and not her, and do whatever grieving and working thru i need to do.
i think therapists are used to clients feeling jealous of their relationships with others. i bet your therapist would be fine with it.
let me know,
LG04
poster:LG04
thread:458245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/460216.html