Posted by shrinking violet on February 16, 2005, at 12:51:05
In reply to Re: My T bought me flowers....but I wouldn't take » shrinking violet, posted by Poet on February 15, 2005, at 19:50:21
>> I told my T to stop saying she cares about me. She said she'd agree not to say it out loud, but I couldn't stop her from thinking it.
--Wow, we're too much alike! lol. I told my T the same thing a couple of months ago. She looked like I smacked her in the face, she looked stunned, then she paused for a second and said "Bull[expletive], I don't care what you say...I'm not supposed to tell a client I care for them after working with them for this long a time? That's ridiculous..." She said it kind of angry/hurt. So needless to say, she still says it. Secretly, I'm kind of glad. ;-)
>>I think that the flowers triggered the part of you that screams *Don't care about me. I don't deserve to be cared about.*--That's probably very true, maybe I'll include that theory in my writing that I might bring in on Friday. I feel like the flowers were very symbolic of our relationship, maybe, and my rejecting them says a lot about how I feel about myself right now, and how afraid I am of really letting us become too close (geez, now that we aren't now, I guess...). I feel like I need to really push her away because it's going to be so painful to leave her soon, and if I let myself get more close to her it'll be more painful, and I can't let that happen (although I'm not sure if that even makes sense. I doubt leaving her could be any *more* painful than it's going to be....).
>> I like Frida's idea of reading your post to her. Or can you email her? Or read it to her on the phone? Maybe on the phone would be more comfortable than in person when you are sitting with her?
I may write some, but I don't think I could show her the post as-is. I might email her a short note because I feel so badly about everything and it hurts so much right now (and I'm not really sure I have an appt on Friday, so I need to confirm)....but I'll try not to get into too much in email (difficult for me, because once I start writing it's difficult to stop) and then bring in the rest to session. I hope it works out.
>> I wish so badly that you and I and everyone who has talker's block in therapy could just let it all out. My T tells me that keeping it in is harder, but I can't convince myself of that.--Me too. And my T says similar things and she's probably right. And I *want* to, I'm just not sure how. I don't have the language for this "stuff," I really don't.
Thank you ((((Poet))))
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:458364
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/458771.html