Posted by shrinking violet on February 16, 2005, at 12:42:01
In reply to Re: My T bought me flowers....but I wouldn't take them » shrinking violet, posted by frida on February 15, 2005, at 19:10:21
>> I haven't posted much here, I am sort of new, but I wanted to reach out to you and tell you that I've struggled with the same, I still do. and my T is very patient..but I feel really bad because I can't talk.
--Frida, welcome to Babble. And thank you for your response! I could identify with everything you wrote...I'm sorry you know how hard it is, too.
>>I can write hours and hours and feel urgency to go to my session and see my T, cry, let go, talk..but once I sit there, I freeze totally, I can't say anything about how I truly feel, I can't talk about my feelings, I can't go deeply into what I feel. The feeling afterwards is terribly painful. I walk out the door and sometimes I can't stop crying thinking that I missed another chance to let go and find relief and share, I do write to her, but of course it is not the same, though at least she has a way to find out what's in my heart.
--Again, wow, that's exactly what it's like. And I'm very much feeling that pain and regret today. I think I may write a bit for session on Friday....I guess it's better than nothing, but I feel like I should be able to talk to her by now.
>> I would encourage you to show her your post or write to her telling her how you felt, so the feelings don't stay inside of you.--I think I will try to write, thank you. I still just wish I could figure out a way to express what's going on, but sometimes I'm not even sure *what* it is I feel. I just know it hurts.
>> I would really encourage you to share your post with your T. She seems to truly care about you, it would bring you closer if she could know what's in your heart...--I may share parts of it. The thing is, I've given her so much writing up to this point that I think it's losing its effectiveness. I know if I SAID half of what I wrote it would get across to her a lot better, I think. But I just don't know how.
>> I don't know why talking is so hard for some of us.. :-( My T is encouraging me to try to start small..maybe try talking about something easier, a movie, book, whatever...without setting so hard expectations, and just trying to feel safe and build trust...
--She tries that; it works sometimes but most times I get in there and I don't want to talk at all about anything. And we're both feeling some time pressure, since I only have a few months left with her. I feel like I'm wasting time and I need to hurry up and accomplish something with her before I have to terminate.
>> I think it is so sweet that she bought you flowers :-)
--It is. But I couldn't even tell her that. I hope she's taking care of them. :-(
Thank you again for your reply.
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:458364
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050211/msgs/458765.html