Posted by Susan47 on February 3, 2005, at 3:27:57
In reply to Re: I think I need to find a new T » littleone, posted by Lucylooo on February 2, 2005, at 20:42:10
Her space is very cozy yet sophisticated. She has her desk with computer, printer, fax copier behind it. Then beside that a wooden bookcase with glass doors (like I have at home, to protect the books). And up-to-date books ... a white leather love seat, armchairs and coffee table, and I remember noticing a lovely children's corner with toys in it I would've loved as a kid ... nice quality things, nicely organized and the most interesting little sorts of things on the walls, including all her certificates which are numerous ... she frequently attends conferences and she has her own website .. she really inspires confidence... she has a big tin of stones collected from the beach ... she had some really interesting things to touch on the coffee table ... and she has a really comfy cozy way of being. She was reaching inside me within twenty minutes, finding reasons and resources with me ... she didn't waste any time with chit chat ... she invited me to comfortable. I found myself removing my shoes and tucking my feet up and she encouraged me to do that (my old T used to kind of look panicked when I did that ... I remember sitting cross-legged on his couch and him staring at the spot between my legs as though I were provoking him or something ... I mean my gosh I was wearing pants I don't know what his problem was, but it was disconcerting to me that he had to make an uncomfortable point of the way I made myself comfortable...well okay, maybe it is strange to see a woman reaching for fifty sitting cross-legged, but still ...) but K just encouraged me to be myself. At one point I had to imagine a certain reaction in my body, and strangely enough I found myself putting on my shoes and sitting up straight, getting prepared for the reaction, so I think I'm feeling like this is going to work, but tonight I wake up after a few hours' sleep and my shoulders ache with stiffness and my stomach hurts from the Zoloft my GP prescribed today, to try instead of the Prozac which was making me so anxious all the time ... and tonight I phoned my old T and left a message so embarrassing about feeling ashamed for everything I've put myself through, and probably him too, but I probably shouldn't feel responsible for him, should I? I mean, he's the therapist and he should've been able to handle any emotion I had, emotion is his business ... I trust my new T and I know we'll do some good work but I know my money and my extended medical will run out long before I'm ready for it too, once again ...
tonight I had the uncomfortable realization that in ten years' time I'll be reaching for sixty, and sixty is.. well, it's sixty isn't it? 6-0. Then 7-0. Omigod I'm feeling panicked again where is my stone ...
poster:Susan47
thread:451999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/452280.html