Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2005, at 7:27:46
In reply to Re: He hadn't noticed » Dinah, posted by Poet on January 29, 2005, at 1:32:10
It's that emotional lag time. We both knew that we had disagreed Thursday, but I didn't realize how angry I was until after the session. I think I had taken a nap in the car after session and called him after that to explain why I was angry then dozed some more. When I woke up I felt ok and went to work.
He never called me back about that because I hadn't asked him to call me back and he never calls back unless I ask him to. But apparently he really didn't understand anything I was saying. Yesterday just built up from that, but again I didn't quit until after napping a few minutes in the car. Actually I dozed during session too. I don't seem to be able to stay awake for long at all lately. I thought I was pretty clear about cancelling then, but he missed it entirely.
I guess the root of the problem was that he was laughing at me for something I thought was important. Usually I sort of like it when he laughs at me, but this time it seemed unkind given how strongly I felt.
The worm part was because more and more I'm feeling trapped, angry, and frustrated in my life because my pathological need for stability leaves me with very few real choices.
My therapist said something about my job the other day that sounded like it had promise. But when he repeated it yesterday it was the same old CBT cr*p repackaged. Positive affirmations, negative self talk, stuff like that. I guess he took the effort to not mention those words the other day. It just left me feeling hopeless. And more trapped than ever because a normal person could just walk away from their job and find a new one. And I can't. That's not the only area in my life, but one. My therapist is another.
He probably didn't hear me say I quit because he knows I can't. And the truth is I can't, all I did was scare myself.
That's why I think I'm a spineless mealworm just reacting to what's going on around me and too afraid to move. Perhaps my old shell-less skinless slug writhing in the heat but unable to get off the sidewalk is a better analogy.
poster:Dinah
thread:449151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/449686.html