Posted by Mark H. on January 26, 2005, at 19:09:24
In reply to t2 and the light (possible trigger), posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 23:10:07
> And as I write this I can just see all those beliefs that people itch to challenge...you don't tell a 4 year old to say to itself over and over 'I am worthy of love' so it will come to believe it.... So why tell me?
Because you are not four years old!
I believe in the healing power of logic for most people, but especially for someone who is as keenly intelligent and gifted in critical analysis as you, Alexandra.
In her seminal work, "The Drama of the Gifted Child" Alice Miller writes (if you'll forgive my clumsy paraphrasing from memory) that the gifted infant frequently tries to meet the narcissistic needs of the mother at the only age-appropriate time of life when the child should be the center of the universe and loved unconditionally. Having missed that window of opportunity, the gifted child spends the rest of her life looking for the unconditional love that she didn't receive as an infant. It's a fruitless quest. As you have already wisely concluded on your own, Miller suggests that the cure is to grieve the original loss and then move on.
We need to challenge and change our beliefs, and yes, something as simple as the use of an affirmation can help. I challenge anyone to repeat the phrase "I have everything I need to be happy right now" with conviction (however forced or artificial doing so may feel in the moment) 400 times without feeling a tangible lift and easing of anxiety or longing. It's so absurdly simple, of course, that almost no one will actually do it -- repeat the phrase out loud, counting each repetition, for about twenty minutes -- even as an empirical experiment. But it works.
My favorite affirmation is, "I love and approve of myself just the way I am." When I remember to practice it, even for just a minute or two a day, it has positive effects on my stress levels and even tends to clear up my skin.
You are not a victim, and you are not a vampire, Alexandra. Decades ago, one of my therapists suggested pondering the following: "What would I have to believe to have created the reality I am experiencing in my life today?" Anything we can easily identify as a belief probably doesn't require much work. The good stuff to go after are those beliefs we emotionally resist identifying as such. Other people's beliefs are laughably obvious; our own are usually disguised as "the truth."
I believe in you. I believe you have the ability to change anything about yourself that you want to.
Your pal,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:446552
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050122/msgs/448319.html