Posted by messadivoce on January 13, 2005, at 23:07:52
In reply to Re: I heard from my former T :-( (long) » messadivoce, posted by 10derheart on January 13, 2005, at 15:44:13
Thanks for your very thoughtful reply to my few little lines. I was not in a very rational state of mind most of the day and wanted to wait until I was feeling more logical before I tried to post.
The gyst of his e-mail was that he prefers to err on the side of caution when it comes to post- termination contact. He said that he felt like there was a danger of the relationship turning into a social one because of the "small talk" nature of my e-mails and because I had e-mailed him twice within a relatively short period of time. (In reality, I wrote him once in Sept. and once in Oct. - 30 days apart. I thought I was being very conservative).
He mentioned the 2 year/APA rule and also threw in that a lot of T's don't even think a relationship should exist AFTER two years. He finished up by saying that he would be okay with me e-mailing him at his office "occasionally" (apparently once a month is too much) to let him know how I was doing. Only to "please keep in mind the guidelines" that he mentioned above. Furthermore, he stated that he doesn't mean to come across as cold, but has to always keep them (guidelines) in mind when communicating with ex-clients.
Obviously I don't feel like I can e-mail him with therapuetic material because he's no longer my T, and if I can't make small talk then there's nothing left to say, is there? Furthermore, I still have a little pride left and after reading that, I don't know that I could ever e-mail him about my life and get practically nothing in return.
I wish he would have at least said "I'm sorry, I didn't handle your termination well, I messed up," which is what he admitted to my current T over the phone not too long ago (so she tells me). I could have handled that. Instead he said something like "I may have overreacted." I just feel stupid for putting myself out there.
My little bit of consolation was the middle paragraph that stated that he still cared about me and if nothing else, wanted me to remember that. That was the most human he got. But his letter was pure steel in comparison to mine, which was pretty emotional. And you were completely correct, he didn't touch on any of the emotional content of my letter. There's nothing like handing your heart on a platter to someone and then getting it royally stomped on.
10derheart, the question you pose, "To what end?" in regards to contact makes perfect sense to my head. So does everything else you've said. Unfortunately my heart is about 6 months behind the game.
No, I don't want to curse or throw things at you. That would be reserved for him. :-) Gah, I just realized that I won't get a chance to talk to my current T about this til next Thurs because of MLK day. We had to reschedule from Monday. She's been of some help, but she tends to be too logical about this situation when I just want to scream in her office and throw pillows.
Two question for you, 10derheart. 1) How does your current T handle your attachment/feelings to your old T and 2) how often did you e-mail your old T after termination, and for how long have you been terminated? I have been for 8 months with mine.
Anyway, thanks for your words of comfort and understanding. I so desperately needed them.
poster:messadivoce
thread:441659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/441966.html