Posted by Dr. Bob on December 23, 2004, at 13:50:29
In reply to Deep breaths everyone?, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 7:24:18
> could I suggest a bit of a step back and some deep breaths?
>
> I see that everyone has been putting a lot of effort into their responses and trying really hard to help Crushed with her pain.
>
> everyone's reactions are perfectly understandable. But if everyone takes a step back and sees how each other's reactions are also perfectly understandable, perhaps we can keep some very valuable connections here on the board strong and maintain important sources of support for everyone involved.
>
> DinahThose are all really good ideas. Could I also encourage the use of I-statements? For example, instead of:
> I liked Dinah's reply, as I made pretty clear in my response to it. She validated my feelings without telling me what to do.
>
> I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just looking for help and some kinds of help are not helpful.How about:
> I liked Dinah's reply, as I made pretty clear in my response to it. She validated my feelings and I didn't feel told what to do.
>
> I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just looking for help and some kinds of help I don't find helpful.--
And instead of:
> I really FEEL for your PAIN and frustration I REALLY DO...but I feel that youre biting a lot of hands that are typing and trying to help.
How about:
> I really FEEL for your PAIN and frustration I REALLY DO...but I feel that others that are typing and trying to help feel frustrated, too.
--
And instead of:
> i don't like being told to flip a coin.
How about:
> i don't think flipping a coin would help.
--
And instead of:
> OK no problem good luck on whatever you decide I just won't post to you.
How about:
> OK no problem good luck on whatever you decide, I just feel frustrated.
--
And instead of:
> To have you respond by saying that I don't get it and that I think you're doing therapy wrong and wasting your life is not only a misinterpration of my message but it's disrespectful of me and the time and thought I put into your situation.
How about:
> To have you respond by saying that I don't get it and that I think you're doing therapy wrong and wasting your life made me feel I'm doing posting wrong and wasting the time and thought I put into your situation.
--
And instead of:
> please, Rigby, don't do me any more favors. *Especially* if I'm not allowed to have a response to them. Those are favors I don't need.
How about, well, just skipping that? Or, as Fallen later suggested:
> thanks, Rigby, for trying to help.
--
And instead of:
> I too feel very hurt by all the time I spent trying to help and how much of what I said was also misinterprated in a disrespectful way. I have NO problem with someone saying this isn't what they want or need but I have never had anyone in all the time I have been on Babble be so disrespectful of my time and that of other poster's time and feelings. FEELING PUT DOWN is an understatement.
How about:
> I too feel very hurt. I spent a lot of time trying to help. I have NO problem with someone saying this isn't what they want or need but FEELING PUT DOWN is an understatement.
--
Taking a step back also means time to preview what you've typed:
> Babble is a place ... to learn about my own methods of interaction (what works, what doesn't work, what I should stop / start / do more of.)
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/411257.html
> I have found that babble gives me the opportunity to practice responding rather than reacting to others. Because we aren’t face to face and we write rather than speak we have the opportunity to really think about our posts before hitting ‘submit’.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/413401.html
Thanks,
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:432666
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/433365.html