Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2004, at 7:52:38
In reply to More Melt downs, posted by daisym on December 16, 2004, at 0:54:26
> I left a really incoherent message for my therapist just before I went to bed. He called really early this morning and even though I had the day from hell, he worked around my schedule. I just HAD to go back. Almost like rechecking my space, his office, to be sure it was still OK.
*** I'm so glad you called him! And made time to see him. A year ago, you would have been sure that you weren't needy nor deserving and you would be making plans to quit therapy, or change therapists (!?!), or only see him in his other office. But now you are starting to see that the relationship you have with him is worth fighting for - and that you are not bad to have this comfort in your life.
>I was so freaked out waiting for him today. I knew this was too big to just be about my friend and it felt really old. I was totally and completely 7 years old in his office today. I told him it made no sense and I felt so out of control. He was cute, he said I was allowed to be out of control in his office.
*** He is a cutie!
>He sort of had me start talking about it all over again and all this stuff tumbled out about the past. How I had to meet my dad's needs and how he invaded my space (my room)
*** That makes SO much sense.
and how I was going to get into trouble for talking about all the abuse because now I was found out.
*** So you haven't been punished for "talking" so far because you were talking in secret. But now your friend "caught" you, so it isn't a secret any more... Makes perfect sense.
>It was so painful - definitely a 10-tissue day!
>
*** Maybe we should give them stock in Kleenex for Christmas...
> I just talked and talked and talked (OK, wailed and wailed and wailed.) And my therapist stayed really calm and let me get it all out, he just handed me the tissue box and would prompt, "keep going." He did have to ask me to give up trying to make sense of it and just go with the feelings. And then he showed me how it made total sense on an emotional level.*** I hope the fact that he saw how it all made sense helped you to feel like you aren't so "crazy". It really all *does* make sense (for each of us) - but working out all of the details to see *how* it makes sense can be tricky.
>
> I had a really hard speech to make tonight so I'm really glad I went this afternoon. Otherwise I don't think my adult self would have shown up for the speech! And my therapist encouraged me to have a glass of wine "or two" to try and relax a little. So now I can say drinking is therapeutic :)*** Wow. Good for you for making your speech after all of that.
*** I wonder if he would have suggested the wine if you were taking anti-depressants...?
> I hate being triggered this bad. Thanks again for the support.
*** You *ARE* resolving things. Your understanding of your issues is growing by leaps and bounds (painful leaps and excruciating bounds). I really believe that it *will* pay off.
With admiration,
Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:429684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/430197.html