Posted by daisym on December 16, 2004, at 0:54:26
In reply to Re: Having a Tantrum » Daisym, posted by Aphrodite on December 15, 2004, at 18:35:29
Thanks you guys for all the support. I'm exhausted but I wanted to tell you I'm reading. Last night was so, so bad. I took a sleeping pill and even with that I only slept from 10 - 1am. I was up on the hour, every hour. I left a really incoherent message for my therapist just before I went to bed. He called really early this morning and even though I had the day from hell, he worked around my schedule. I just HAD to go back. Almost like rechecking my space, his office, to be sure it was still OK. I was so freaked out waiting for him today. I knew this was too big to just be about my friend and it felt really old. I was totally and completely 7 years old in his office today. I told him it made no sense and I felt so out of control. He was cute, he said I was allowed to be out of control in his office. He sort of had me start talking about it all over again and all this stuff tumbled out about the past. How I had to meet my dad's needs and how he invaded my space (my room) and how I was going to get into trouble for talking about all the abuse because now I was found out. It was so painful - definitely a 10-tissue day!
I just talked and talked and talked (OK, wailed and wailed and wailed.) And my therapist stayed really calm and let me get it all out, he just handed me the tissue box and would prompt, "keep going." He did have to ask me to give up trying to make sense of it and just go with the feelings. And then he showed me how it made total sense on an emotional level.
I had a really hard speech to make tonight so I'm really glad I went this afternoon. Otherwise I don't think my adult self would have shown up for the speech! And my therapist encouraged me to have a glass of wine "or two" to try and relax a little. So now I can say drinking is therapeutic :)
I hate being triggered this bad. Thanks again for the support.
poster:daisym
thread:429684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/430149.html