Posted by vwoolf on December 1, 2004, at 9:58:53
In reply to Re: Dilemma....PLEASE help » shrinking violet, posted by fallsfall on December 1, 2004, at 7:40:09
SV, I'm glad your session with your T went well yesterday. I wish my T would lend me something precious, or hug me. It must feel so warm and comforting. Yours sounds really nice and warm. It is good you were able to trust her with that email, so that she knows a bit more about what's going on.
Your post after the session is exceptionally clear about your feelings of ambivalence. You want help so badly, but can't allow yourself to ask for it or accept it for fear of hurt and rejection, and of being forced into something you don't want. You sound as if you would like to give up the defensive behaviour, but need the defences to protect you against the uncertainty. But she can only help you if she knows what you are afraid of. Is there any way you could copy the post into an email, as it is, and send it to her, with FYI written at the top? Make it confidential too, if you like. I am sure she would only use the information to help you in a way you would find acceptable, in agreement with you. It feels as if she is right on your side. Trust yourself to trust her. You have already made that first huge leap of faith. It will be easier this time.
Thinking of you a lot.
P.S. I am very touched that you find me "sweet" - I think it's the first time anyone has called me that. I am usually known as a hard headed, sarcastic, intellectual type. I have made an exception around my therapist, which is helping me to be kinder and gentler towards myself as well. I think it is useful to put aside that critical voice for a while, although it is very hard to do after a lifetime of self-hatred.
Bestest
VWoolf
poster:vwoolf
thread:420644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/422778.html