Posted by shrinking violet on November 28, 2004, at 21:34:32
In reply to Re: Dilemma....PLEASE help, posted by Poet on November 28, 2004, at 1:28:54
Hi Poet :)
>> Therapy is hard. That you realize how hard it is, and keep going back and trying again shows that you are not giving in to those inner demons that try to get you to quit.--Yeah, either that or I'm a masochist. I haven't figured out which. :-P
>> I think your therapist cares about you, she's just frustrated that she can't figure out how to reach you.--Yes and yes. She's told me as much a few times, even recently. Then I feel guilty for making her feel like she's failing me, because it's me, not her.
>>I'm hard if not impossible to reach in therapy. I cross my arms and legs and refuse to talk when anything *sensative* is mentioned. My pdoc says I glower at him and I only see him for meds. My therapist just says *oh, oh, I must have touched on something...*
--lol sounds familiar. I pretty much react the same way with anyone who tries to see into me too much, whether it be my T or my nutritionist or even the medical doc. I feel guilty though because they tend to misread my signals as my being hostile or angry or not wanting their help, when I feel so differently on the inside. I just can't show it on the outside.
>>It doesn't take much to touch on something that I don't want to talk about. I think you're the same way. I hate talking about bulimia because my T doesn't understand it.--Yep, I am the same way. Always have been. But I DO want to change. I want to go in there and plop down on the chair and spill it all out. I just....can't. But now it's all coming out sideways (as my T says, but now I can definitely see it happening more), and I need to be able to get some of this stuff out or I'm going to go nuts.
>> She told me that if my bulimia gets out of control she'd have to refer me to someone with more expertise. I felt like she was trying to get rid of me, but she really was trying to get me help that she couldn't give. Maybe your T doesn't have much experience with eating disorders?--Hm, recently my medical doc at school (who works closely with my T and N, also at school) made me sign a contract (if my BMI goes below what it is now I could be tossed out, blah blah). I know it's another way to kick me in my butt and try to get me to care enough about something so I'll start to eat and try to work on this, but, I don't know, I'm just afraid it's going to get me thrown out of school with one semester left. And given that my T and my whole team work at a University, I think they know a thing or two about EDs. :) They don't know everything of course (they haven't had an ED, so of course how could they really understand) but I think they are well informed and they do try very hard, so I'm lucky that they seem to know more than most professionals do.
>> Some of us are blurters, but some like you and I aren't. As said on Seinfeld (about something else,) but the quote works *there's nothing wrong with that.*
--Well, there's nothing wrong with that unless you're in therapy. *sigh*
Thanks Poet. I appreciate the encouragement. :)
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:420644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/421610.html