I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long)

Posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17

I realized that I will never be able to open up in therapy. That even writing the painful stuff down and letting her read it wouldn't get me to talk about it. I told her that I just can't do therapy and that I quit.
I thought I'd be okay with my decision, but I've been crying for four hours straight. I left the only person who has ever told me that they cared about me. The only person who can see beyond all the negativity and sarcasim and see someone who is loveable.
She asked if she had said something last week to cause this. I told her that it was a combination of pdoc asking me about progress in therapy, feeling more suicidal and that after two years I just don't see that therapy will ever work for me.
We talked about progress (there is some: I went back to school and no longer call myself stupid.) What more we need to work on and then she said that she doesn't recommend that I quit.
She was so sweet about me leaving. I feel so bad. She told me to take her out of the picture, don't try to imagine what she's feeling about me leaving. But that's so hard. She looked sad. I didn't think she'd look sad, I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't.
I've been crying since I left her office and I just can't stop.
What I'm crying about is the loss of someone who honestly cared about me and wanted to help me. I just couldn't let her help me. I don't think I can let anyone help me.
She said that she'll *be there* and that I might try to think of this as a temporary break. I can come back anytime and I shouldn't think that calling her makes me weak or a failure. She said she'll miss me and that she felt close to me and that she cares about me. I should *hold* that if I can.
What I'm holding is that I am so emotionally inferior that I couldn't let someone who cared about me get closer to me. I had to run away.
I thought quiting was the answer. Now, a few hours later, I'm not so sure. I'm trying to give it time, the tears will stop flowing, but I've made so many wrong decisions in my life. Is this just another one?
Poet

Thread

I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) Poet 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad » Poet Annierose 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet lookdownfish 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) shrinking violet 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) shortelise 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet Daisym 10/7/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) cricket 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) antigua 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) College-Girl 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet fallsfall 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » College-Girl Annierose 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad » Annierose Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » lookdownfish Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » shrinking violet Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » shortelise Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Daisym Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » cricket Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » antigua Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » College-Girl Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » fallsfall Poet 10/8/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet crushedout 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet Dinah 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet fallsfall 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » crushedout Poet 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Dinah Poet 10/9/04
Emotional confetti » fallsfall Poet 10/9/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Poet fallsfall 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet gardenergirl 10/9/04
Poet, how are you doing? (nm) gardenergirl 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti » fallsfall Poet 10/11/04
Re: Poet, how are you doing? » gardenergirl Poet 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Poet fallsfall 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti Annierose 10/11/04
Re: Poet, how are you doing? » Poet gardenergirl 10/11/04
shame just plain jane 10/12/04
Poet? Dinah 10/12/04
Re: Emotional confetti Poet 10/12/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Annierose Poet 10/12/04
how are you doing? » gardenergirl Poet 10/12/04
Re: shame » just plain jane Poet 10/12/04
Dinah Poet 10/12/04
Re: Dinah crushedout 10/12/04
Re: Courage Annierose 10/12/04
I know that you can do it, even though it's hard (nm) » Poet Dinah 10/12/04
sending courage and positive vibes.... shrinking violet 10/12/04
Re: Courage antigua 10/12/04
((((Poet))))) how are you? any update? (nm) shrinking violet 10/14/04
Left T message to call me- update when she does (nm) Poet 10/15/04
Good for you!! (nm) » Poet Dinah 10/15/04
Re: WAY TO GO!!! (nm) » Poet Annierose 10/15/04
Good job! (nm) » Poet fallsfall 10/15/04
Woo hoo! So glad you did.... (nm) gardenergirl 10/15/04
Seeing therapist tomorrow Poet 10/18/04
Re: :-) (nm) » Poet Dinah 10/18/04
Re: Seeing therapist tomorrow » Poet Annierose 10/18/04
Re: Seeing therapist tomorrow » Poet mair 10/18/04
How did it go? - Poet (nm) mair 10/19/04
Nevermind - Saw Thread Below (nm) mair 10/19/04

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poster:Poet thread:400053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/400053.html