Posted by RosieOGrady on September 20, 2004, at 19:55:16
In reply to Abandonded but not forgotten » lookdownfish, posted by 64bowtie on September 19, 2004, at 16:43:13
But Rod in your earlier post you said
<<The crucial question I had to ask myself, which stopped the internal torment of the fantasies was, "Am I better off or worser off when I play out my fantasies?" This was never a cleverly couched assessment of my goodness or badness. It was like a business decision in its underlying objectivity. Did I do better right now today, or worser right now today, playing out my fantasies.I today have no sadness nor grief since my day to day life is better beyond my expectations and beliefs, so I can't muster a tear of remorse, even aligator ones. I found freedom and happiness. ...and not by seeking "comfort" and "feel-goods". My way today is easier and less distracting and catastrophic without the seeking "comfort" and "feel-goods" I used to do.>>
Rod
Shouldn't you make a cost benefit analysis of your feeling of abandonment and pain? Isn't the idea of non-abandonment just a fantasy? Rationally don't you know that everyone is rejected sometimes and you are no different than others, etc Would being abandoned hurt you if you had no fantasy of yourself not being abandoned to compare it with? How does it profit you to believe that it is possible not to be abandoned? Aren't you seeking comfort and feel-good by choosing to believe that it could be otherwise? Wouldn't it be more cost effective to decide that the fantasy of "not being abandoned" is causing pain and therefore abandon it? Once you abandon that fantasy desire, abandonment will have no power over you.
I would say that your pain is not caused by someone else's post but by your own fantasy of how things could be.
I'm not trying to be unsympathetic, I'm just pointing out an inconsistency in your method.
And I wish you lots of comfort and feel goods....it hurts to feel rejected (but it's not fatal-just part of being human)
> <<< I'm stting here in pain. I can't tell Lucy Stone why her post to me resulted in my pain. Her post included an estopal of my replying to her post. I never once used the "you" statement. I only used the "I", chiefly because I thought this was a safe place to share. Slamming the door on my fingers without cause has left me abandoned. Abandonment hurts, today and every day.
>
> Rod
poster:RosieOGrady
thread:392271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393143.html