Posted by 64bowtie on September 22, 2004, at 2:17:42
In reply to Re: Abandonded but not forgotten » 64bowtie, posted by RosieOGrady on September 20, 2004, at 19:55:16
You said,
> Shouldn't you make a cost benefit analysis of your feeling of abandonment and pain?
<<< I'm upset about someone telling me not to ever post to her again when I wasn't talking about anyone other than myself. I never proferred any judgement of any kind on or against her, yet I am judged... unfit...
> Isn't the idea of non-abandonment just a fantasy?
<<< I absolutely agree, and that's why I don't much depend on other's acceptance of me. Someone not liking what I do and say, doesn't impact my image of self. In the past, high school in the 60's, I did suffer from image assaults (that only I took note of). No one else much cared. They were more afraid of me than I was of them.
> Rationally don't you know that everyone is rejected sometimes and you are no different than others, etc?
<<< (I hope my statements above clear this up for you)
> Would being abandoned hurt you if you had no fantasy of yourself not being abandoned to compare it with?
<<< I don't know you well enough to answer this the way I want to... Read my posts in the Archive starting around November 15, 2003. I started here with an objectionable username, and was asked to change it because it was confusing or irritating to others. My e-mail address is dr10day-deskof at yahoo dot com, a sub address of dr_rod1 at yahoo dot com. Perhaps you can now intuit why many found my username objectionable.
> How does it profit you to believe that it is possible not to be abandoned?
<<< I have found and read about the fact that abandonment for adults is a leftover from a two dimensional world in their childhood. Read Antonio Dimasio, "Descartes' Error" about adults who miss the "maturity bus" and suffer terribly till they discover how much better it is to be the adult in a three (or more) dimensional world, than it ever was being the child in a two dimensional world. Abandonment issues also are connected to obligation/expectation issues.
<<< So the answer is impossible to relate since I never take abandonment seriously for myself, now that I have learned to honor and embrace my adulthood.> Aren't you seeking comfort and feel-good by choosing to believe that it could be otherwise? Wouldn't it be more cost effective to decide that the fantasy of "not being abandoned" is causing pain and therefore abandon it? Once you abandon that fantasy desire, abandonment will have no power over you.
>
> I would say that your pain is not caused by someone else's post but by your own fantasy of how things could be.<<< I sincerely appreciate your effort and integrity, dear RosieOgrady. I hope I am not too coarse and otherwise abrasive that you choose to dismiss me. In your above statement, I sense effort and studied thinking that I greatly admire.
<<< Please be careful herein. I just came off a four week block for stepping into an trip-wire of logic. I sense that someone complained since Dr-Bob didn't immediately block me. I could be wrong, though.> I'm not trying to be unsympathetic, I'm just pointing out an inconsistency in your method.
<<< If only you could see the history of responses to my posts, then you might see things much differently.> And I wish you lots of comfort and feel goods....it hurts to feel rejected (but it's not fatal-just part of being human)
> <<< I'm sitting here in pain. I can't tell Lucy Stone why her post to me resulted in my pain. Her post included an estopal of my replying to her post. I never once used the "you" statement. I only used the "I", chiefly because I thought this was a safe place to share. Slamming the door on my fingers without cause has left me abandoned. Abandonment hurts, today and every day.
<<< I didn't do a good job of stating how I felt. With a good job, I wouldn't have gotten a PBC from Dr-Bob.
Thanx Ms. Ogrady...
Rod
PS: Welcome
poster:64bowtie
thread:392271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393558.html