Posted by lucy stone on September 19, 2004, at 7:52:02
In reply to Re: reality vs fantasay (long) » lucy stone, posted by Dinah on September 18, 2004, at 23:04:19
> Funny how they're different. Mine will say everything's going to be all right, as long as I give him a framework so that he feels he can say it honestly. So if things really are going to h*ll in a handbasket and I ask him if everything's going to be all right, he'll say he can't tell me that. But if I say that what I mean by that is that whatever life throws my way, I'll be able to handle it, and that's what I mean by will everything be all right, he'll agree that everything will be fine. Or if we're having a disagreement, and I frame it so that what I'm asking is if even though we're having a fight we'll work through it and our relationship will survive, he'll say that yes, in that sense everything will be all right. Sometimes he makes me say that I'll do what I can to make sure that everything will be all right and won't rely on him to do all of it.
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> So again, I think my therapist is more willing to be a good enough mother and perhaps isn't trying as hard to make me give up the fantasy. He makes me work for my nurturing though. :)
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> It kind of reminds me of what I try to do around my son. I'm not above catastrophizing, but when I'm around him I try to both be relatively honest about what's going on and what the possible outcomes are while pointing out to him that whatever happens, everything's going to be all right in the ways that count - and being rather specific as to why that is.
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> But my therapist isn't an analyst and, I suppose, is more willing to gratify my infantile needs. Plus he's a big believer in reparenting and attachment theory and corrective emotional experiences.
It's possible that part of the difference is the difference between you and I. I have repeated this pattern over and over in my life in ways that have been harmful to me. One of the things I am seeking in therapy is an end to the pattern. I may be wrong, but I don't get the sense that you are looking for attachment in places other than in therapy. I get the sense that what you want out of therapy is much different than what I want. I suspect that your T would treat me in a much different way than he treats you. Do you think he would? Do good Ts have different approaches for different clients or is the approach pretty consistent?
poster:lucy stone
thread:392271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392541.html