Posted by Pfinstegg on September 19, 2004, at 23:06:36
In reply to Re: dissociation/memories/dreams*posstrigger* » Pfinstegg, posted by crazymaisie on September 19, 2004, at 22:12:01
I was also extremely frightened of remembering things I didn't already know. Like you, I could accept that I was abused, but I did NOT want to recover any horrible lost memories. This has changed quite a bit over 20 months of therapy. I've learned, that, when I least expect it (but when I guess I'm ready enough), the memories just sometimes pour out, without my even knowing a second beforehand that they are going to. It can be hard and terrifying, and often, the small girl who is talking about these things doesn't distinguish well between her father and the therapist, which strains the attachment we are working hard to achieve. But, after it's *out*, we have a chance to work on it, and I gradually start to feel a little better each time. It is very hard, but, as my analyst says, "we are doing exactly what we need to do." That feels good!
You aren't alone in having to deal with csa, complex PTSD, or dissociation. There are a number of people posting here about just these things. We are all at slightly different stages at any given moment, but we really do help one another, I think. It's just a given that people with csa go from high to low moods very quickly- from hope to despair- from frustration to joy over even a small therapy accomplishment. There is always another person here who can show you the way a little when you don't feel you can find it yourself. Someone will post something about what they have done, or asked for, in therapy, and someone else thinks, "good idea- I think I'll try that!" It's wonderful, because it puts an end to the secrecy and isolation most of have had to live with. You know, you just can't go out with a friend and bring any of this up!
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:392652
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392803.html