Posted by crazymaisie on September 19, 2004, at 14:20:32
i have tried to post this before, i hope i can get it going this time.
i'll try to start from the beginning. i have two seperate and distinct memories of csa, each at the hands of a different person. i grew up in a very violent household and although i can remember attacks on others, i can't remember ever being hit myself. i suppose the idea is that dissociation is what i used to cope with that violence, but even now i can't bring back the memories of it (i remember bruises and marks and some sense of the fear, but not the events themselves) with the issue of sa, i can't say whether there was ever any further occurences of it (i'm rather hoping not), but the fact of not being able to remember things i am sure happened leaves me in such doubt. there is a suspicion lurking at the back of my mind that there may be more, but i don't like to visit the back of my mind too often, it frightens me.
lately i have been having dreams in which i am the victim of sa. i try to tell myself that it is about feeling under attack as a child or something less literal. however, the sensation is disturbing and stays with me all day. i'm wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience, memories which they can't get at, fear of the unknown, confusion over not being able to remember and a sense of doubt in myself, that i'm trying to make things up (i can't think why)
i kind of feel bad asking for advice and support because i'm sort of shy about replying to others. i do watch alot though, and i hope i'll get braver as time goes on. thanks
maisie
poster:crazymaisie
thread:392652
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392652.html