Posted by daisym on August 30, 2004, at 19:54:41
In reply to Re: Male or female -- does it matter? » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on August 30, 2004, at 19:01:38
Before I was doing this work, I would have said working with a female would be best. That was based on instinct and some of the readings I've done. Now I can't imagine doing it with anyone but MY therapist...male or female. He is really sensitive around the sa stuff...and when we've discussed "grown up" sexual stuff, he is so matter of fact that it was pretty hard to stay uncomfortable for long.
I think if I had a female therapist, I might be more reluctant to show how hard it is for me to cope with all of this. It is a pride thing, professional woman to professional woman, etc. Throw in my need to live up to my mother's standards...it explains a lot why I ran from the two female therapists I met first.
It comes down to trust. Trust that they won't hurt you or lead you down memory lane too fast. And my therapist is always conscious of the fact that telling is retraumatizing in some ways, so he never wants me to feel like he is voyeuristic about it in any way. He will circle back for details but never presses and he is careful to use terminology that reflects mine.
*sigh* I wish I could tell you that talking to a woman would make it easier. I'm afraid the truth is that the whole thing is just plain hard. Telling anyone what happened is painful, embarrassing and is likely to produce huge amounts of fear. It literally feels like your insides have shattered because the emotions that were trapped are released with such fury. I couldn't believe (still can't) how knocked down I felt (feel) when we work on specific memories.
I think you've invested a lot in building a relationship with your therapist. Is there something that makes you think he can't handle it? Or is he reacting in an over-protective way? Or are the words just impossible to force out?
Take especially good care of yourself right now.
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:384279
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/384319.html