Posted by DaisyM on August 27, 2004, at 15:54:52
In reply to Re: Complimenting T/getting compliments from T » thewrite1, posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 15:29:03
I don't give or get physical compliments from my therapist. Sometimes he'll comment on the way I'm dressed, usually if I'm really casual, which means I'm not working. He has asked about a bruise, which was large and obvious on my foot, so that tells me he does notice things.
But he does tell me, infrequently, how strong I am to keep working through all this and how articulate I am.
We recently had a conversation about caring. I was really upset and he said something about allowing him to help as he really cared about me. I said he had to say that, as my therapist. He was pretty insulted...made me tell him why I would think he didn't care, did I think all the time we spent together didn't matter. I even threw in the money thing, though I don't believe that. He acknowledged it and threw it right back at me, about my own clients. It was sort of an intense discussion and I know I pushed his buttons. But I trust him to be honest and not say things he doesn't believe. And even though I was pushing him away, testing him because I was hurting, I KNOW he cares. We couldn't have the relationship we have if he didn't.
Another thing -- when I train professionals who have client caseloads, I often remind them that positive compliments are a type of judgement and sometimes by giving positive compliments we set up the expectation that we will also feel free to give negative ones.
poster:DaisyM
thread:382972
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/383078.html