Posted by shrinking violet on August 19, 2004, at 19:30:32
In reply to Re: question for lonely, posted by Lonely on August 19, 2004, at 11:20:00
((((lonely)))
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and how difficult it was for you.
My T tends to be very relaxed with me in terms of things she says and showing and telling me how she feels about me and how she views our relationship ("genuine," "caring," and "real" are the words she used last session). I've given her cards to thank her, and recently I gave her one and told her that she means a lot to me. She put it on her desk, and it was still there when I came in the following week. She often uses examples to illustrate points (as most T's do) and sometimes I wonder if it's her she's referring to. For example, last session, she was talking about how in her life she's had people she's tried to talk to about stuff but she's never truly felt understood (by friends) or people try to give her advice, etc and / or the relationship is temporary even though it isn't known at the time (i.e. romantic relationships), so then she was talking about self-soothing and how she's pretty good at that, and how when "you" (the general "you") are awake at 4 AM and cry in "your" pillow, you somehow get yourself back to sleep. I wondered if she's ever done that (cry in the middle of the night) and I felt so so badly, like I wish I could have helped her then, etc. Also, my T is in a wheelchair due to an accident from her teens (she's now 48, going on 49 next month). She has referred to it generally, but never got into detail although I think it's something I'm going to ask her about at some point (I've been seeing her for over a year). I often wonder how she lives with something so permanent and difficult, and it makes me sad. I wish I could make it better. Also, she tells me when her mom is sick, etc, and although I express my concern and wishes for things to get better, I still wish I could help in some way. Whenever my T feels like she has "failed" me (her word at one point) or expresses some sort of self-criticism, I try to make her feel better in whatever way I can. She often says I try to take care of her. If she only knew half of what I felt/thought, she'd know how true that statement is! Somehow, too, I think that she kind of likes it when I do that, just from the way she responds to it (and at one point she asked for it).
Yeah, T / client relationships are difficult, to say the least. But I still love my T (although if I could undo meeting her, I probably would). *sigh*
Thank you all for sharing your experiences.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379628.html