Posted by 64bowtie on August 7, 2004, at 2:04:22
In reply to Re: Oh » 64bowtie, posted by daisym on August 6, 2004, at 18:40:20
> You are really, really wrong, Rod. These memories can and do still hurt me.
><<< Thank you for being clear! I did not say the memories can't hurt you. [Aside], how do memories hurt anyone? Why would anyone give that much power and energy to an abstraction, a story about what happened to you, that it, the abstraction has the ability to take action against your senses and physically cause pain? Believe me I used to, however, I don't anymore.
Memories can be "of the pain", but only in the abstract. If you replay the incident, you can feel more pain. It will be your doing not that of someone not present. "As-if" doesn't qualify as the embodiment of the person that originally caused the pain.
What I said was with the pronoun "they". For "that", I apologise. Replace "they" with "those people, places, things, ideas" (finish) ...can no longer hurt you. Those folks etc, can't hurt you. Those folks etc, can't hurt you. Those folks etc, can't hurt you. You can give permission to the pain rationalising that the feelings are real so the folks etc appear to be still be hurting you. But they ain't anwhere in sight, so stop blaming them.
The issue seems unresolved so it evokes irrational pain, granted. Is any of the pain valid? Must we relieve you of inconsolability by validating your pain? Not me! Bad idea! Consoling me never changed anything for me. Living in the here and now is so much nicer than reliving the painful past. I just choose to live in the here and now and time and tides take care of the past. Its not denial of the past. Its a choice to not succumb to the high-jacking of my feelings.
If I placated you by validating your pain ,I would then be a player in your psycho-drama of abstractions creating irrational pain. Is that what you want from me? For me to be your patsy? I would be validating the "kidnapper" of your sensibilties and blackmailer of your emotions. My motives are surer than that. So, don't enlist myself or another person to validate this "bad" habit of yours. I say "bad" because it causes so much trouble in your life and takes away value, according to what you say avbout it.
If the mind, [I joke sometimes and say, "the mind....... is a terrible place to be",] if the mind is running the memory like a vcr runs a movie tape, don't you have final say over the starting and stopping? Driven by your visceral cortex, maybe not. Driven by your higher order brain functions, you have final say as to when things start and stop. Children who aren't transitioned properly into adulthood may get stuck driven by their gut. I was there, and now I'm not. I remember how and what stopped me and I am passing it on to whomever is ready.
I have tried for months herein to shake all loose from their notions that what they are is all they are. When they react like children, they miss golden opportunities one after the other to be! Be-ing is something adults are good at and children messup their lives trying to do toooo soon.
The threshhold is now wide and clearly visable with work of the neuro-folks in the Universities and other labs. Everyone gets adult attributes, skills and abilities just as soon as the pubic hair is done sprouting; for some as late as age 15.
From 15 to 25, society accepts trial and error as common practice. After age 25, all can (I repeat can) be well practiced in their new tools so as to live that good life so much is written about.
I hold out my hand to you and ask that you try something forgotten by the ages. This is all ancient wisdom. Man came here with all the necessary eguipment to even stay sane if they want to. Accepting your adulthood is not giving up anything. Its adding value to your warchest of life.
And I do apologise for the "they" pronoun misunderstandings.
Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:374592
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040805/msgs/374971.html