Posted by JenStar on July 30, 2004, at 16:05:58
In reply to Re: Ugh.. group-free backlash, posted by tabitha on July 30, 2004, at 14:20:03
hi tabitha,
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time trying to terminate. I agree with Dinah that directly asking her about the issues, point-blank, is a good idea.I would even recommend typing up a list of questions that you need answered and bring it to the discussion, so that in case you get rattled or upset during the discussion you still have a reminder of what needs to get answered.
If she's been your T for so long, it's hard to imagine that she wants ILL for you. Maybe she's misguided right now, but most likely doing this for your benefit (she must think it will be good for you even if painful.)
On the one hand -- money isn't everything. If you are truly ready to be done, just wash your hands & walk away, even if she charges you.
On the other hand - maybe knowing that you're 6 sessions away will free you up in the group to act differently, act more confidently, and care less about the antics of Mean Woman.
In that book I was reading, the writer/therapist gave many, MANY examples of how people treat each other like crap in group sessions and he did NOT try to stop them. He said that if he pointed out their flaws and transferences too early they might stop the behavior but never really understand the motivations for such behavior, and the change would not come from the heart but rather from a form of self-censorship.
He would wait for the GROUP to address issues with each other. He said that people usually would only see their behavior as troubling once they saw, over and over again, how it negatively affected the feelings of many others in the group towards them. This takes lots of time and feeling can be hurt while it happens!
It sounds like a very painful process to me...being lambasted on all sides as flawed people work through their issues and figure out that they have misplaced aggression towards mother, father, etc.
So I've never been in your group, of course, and I can't judge. But perhaps Mean Woman is working thru some tough problems and your T wants you there as a sounding board to help MW realize her own issues. That's not necessarily fair to YOU, esp. if you're not being protected at all.
This stuff is always so confusing. But I hope you can get some straight answers from the T, and I hope that it all goes well.
Thinking of you!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:371475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/372437.html