Posted by Bent on June 24, 2004, at 7:50:38
Hello. This is my first post but I have been reading posts on this site for a while. I have so often felt very comforted reading posts on this page. I, like many of you, am dealing with massive transference issues. I am not dependent on my therapist as much as I am majorly attached. Some background: I am a 25yo FM and I have been seeing my pschodynamically-oriented FM T for about two years. Right now I am really sad/hurt. I feel almost heart broken. I have cried off and on for two day after last seeing my T. It was our last session before she is to be gone for several weeks. I know she will be back, and we even have our next appointment set up for four weeks from now. I am just so hurt. It’s not that I don’t think she deserves a vacation- I want her to have a break. I just wish she had been as reassuring as she usually is. I left with a bad feeling. This is all happening at a bad time (I know there really isn’t the right time but this is especially bad timing) because I am having a lot of relationship problems at home. I am making some decisions now that I have been avoiding for YEARS! She did acknowledge that she was sorry the timing of her vacation is a bad time for me. I guess I wanted to hear something else. I wanted her to say that it might be hard to be away from her but that I could do it. I even for the first time in two years wished she would give me hug at the end of our session (she has never touched me before and we have never talked about it). Then I get mad reading posts where other T’s have given their client a stuffed animal or something and mine didn’t do anything- or so it feels. All she said was “take care.” She knows that when she goes on vacations I feel better if I know generally where she is going and last week she told me that she would tell me. She didn’t. I guess she forgot..but then again I didn’t ask again either. I didn’t communicate what I need. I feel so mad at her. She hasn’t left for her vacation yet and I thought about calling her just to feel better before our break from therapy. She never has an issue with my calling her but I am so hesitant because I just called her a few weeks ago when I freaked out after she told me about her vacation plans. I don’t want to seems so desperate and clingy and call again. I am afraid she’d be mad. I have a huge huge fear that she will eventually reject me because of my clinginess (due to a past experience) but she always understands. Sometimes I think that maybe I will just write her a letter and then read it when she returns. I just don’t know what to do. I never thought it would hurt this much. Sorry to go on.
PS.
Can I ask….are you guys mainly others in therapy? Or therapists even?
poster:Bent
thread:359709
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/359709.html