Posted by lucy stone on June 5, 2004, at 21:31:22
In reply to Speaking of transference (long), posted by gardenergirl on June 5, 2004, at 18:31:10
> He said something like you can't transform what was not there into something adequate now. I really can't remember the exact words he used, because I was having a bit of trouble processing information (seems I hit my head in the accident). But I think I have the gist of it. I don't know exactly what he means. It feels kind of hopeless. How the heck do I work through this now? I've been beginning to think about those who I know are there for me, like my hubby, his parents (who I didn't think to call until just yesterday, duh!), and my sister. Even my brother, with whom I've had a really rocky relationship sent me a nice caring email. So what do I do about my need for my mommy? She's not ever going to fulfill that need, I don't think. How do I not need her?
>I had tyranical father who terrorized my mother, my sister and I with his out of control rages. My mother was so intimidated by him that she didn't protect us and I have a lot of anger at her for that. I have a huge hole inside of me that feels the need to for someone to hold me, protect me, and comfort me. My mother has been dead for 30 years and I will never have any kind of nuturing relationship from her. I have major transferance for my analyst and want him to fill the hole. He says he can't (I say he won't!) and we go round and round. He tells me that what I want I will never have, because adults don't get that. I want to be protected and cared for like a baby, but I'm an adult woman. He says that I need to grieve for the loss of parents who cared for me like I needed to be cared for, and until I can do that grieving I will not be open to what I do have in my life. I have real realttionships with real adults that that put together will fill the hole. The hole is smaller now and I can see what he means. I have always been very dependent on my husband and have made him take care of me in ways that are really not what one adult should be doing for another. We're gradually changing that and I am doing more for myself. I still haven't done all the grieving I need to do but I am working on it. Perhaps your T has something similar in mind with you, that you didn't have what you needed when you were little and you will never have that. What you can have is adult relationships with people who care about you as an adult.
poster:lucy stone
thread:354107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354142.html