Posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:35:58
And I think this one has some value questions involved.
We talked about the fact that I feel uncomfortable around well groomed and socially ept people. And he lept on the well groomed part, as he does whenever I mention grooming.
He thinks that I should dress more to fit in with those around me. Do at least minimal makeup and style the hair a bit. Admittedly this is because I mentioned my own discomfort around others who I perceive are better groomed than myself. And I fear that they will have a negative perception of me because of my looks and my casual and somewhat eccentric approach to dress.
My therapist thinks it's fine to dress as I do, braid my hair, wear camisoles instead of bras, no makeup, and tennies sometimes. But he also thinks that there are times I should dress to conform. And he gave some examples from his own life where changing the way he dressed changed the way he perceived himself as well as how others perceived him.
My belief is that people need to accept me as I am, or not accept me at all. I felt that way in middle school when I wouldn't shorten my skirts or press my pleats if that's what it took to be accepted, and I feel that way now. He says I'm stubborn, and while that's a good trait to have sometimes, it's not working in my best interests now.
I see this almost as a moral issue, stubborn wench that I am. Why can't people see past the fashionable footwear to see the person? On the other hand, I suppose I'm doing a bit of reverse prejudice by feeling insecure around the fashionable. That probably affects how I treat them, after all. No, on the other hand, I'm no more outgoing around the unfashionable so there is probably no outward manifestation of my discomfort.
So is my therapist right? Should I don makeup, bras, reasonably fashionable shoestyles, clothing, and hairstyle so that I feel less insecure around others? Or should I insist on feeling comfortable as I am?
poster:Dinah
thread:339292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339292.html