Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 15:35:28
In reply to Re: Second of two homework assignments, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 20:10:19
Dinah,
I am struck by the opposing issues of your two homework assignments. Affirmations are designed to foster acceptance for who we are and then your second assignment involves possibly changing something about yourself that seems very core to you. How are you supposed to reconcile the two? Is your T sneaking in dialectics? How can you do both?Also, as a high maintenance girl, I am a bit jealous of those who are comfortable without using all of the products I use and without spending so much time in the morning using makeup to try to look "natural." I just don't feel comfortable going out in public without at least makeup base on (although I rationalize it that it contains sunscreen, and therefore I MUST use it) and a bit of mascara and lipstick. Days when I have gone without, I feel very unattractive and invisible and get more self-conscious. Gotta have my shield on.
Funny all of the ways we deal with discomfort and appearance. Perhaps because my mother was/is a product queen. Maybe that's where I learned it.
Dinah, dear. I read all of the posts, and am torn too. I see value in both approaches (being yourself and making small changes to fit in). The best I can come up with is perhaps to try it and see how it feels. Maybe go to a hair stylist and get one of those great wash and wear cuts (but not so short that you give up your braids!!!) Or go to a Clinique counter (former Clinique girl, so I am biased, but they usually don't look like Tammy Faye.) Find one of the girls who has the silver "C" pin. This means she has some training and experience under her belt. Pick one who look natural rather than like Tammy Faye. And just ask for a light, simple makeup application. You could view it as an experiment or learning experience. How does it feel? Are you more or less comfortable (remembering that change is initially uncomfortable). How do you perceive others' to react? How do you feel about those reactions?
I once had a client who always had to look "perfect" walk around campus all day with a big stain on the front of her shirt. Her task was to note others' reactions and her own to try to disprove that she MUST look perfect or others will reject her. She found it to be really uncomfortable, but she did find out that she wasn't rejected. In fact, some found her to be more approachable. So this experiment was helpful to her, although it did not lead her to always walk around in dirty clothes. :)
You already know how it feels as you are now. Maybe it would help to clarify your values on this if you experienced the other option.
NOT that I am saying you need to change!!!! Just presenting an option for experimenting with yourself.
But still, why the two homework assignments together?
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:339292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339884.html