Posted by lonelygirl on March 22, 2004, at 2:52:48
In reply to Shared with my T (long update), posted by All Done on March 22, 2004, at 0:41:55
That's good that you have made him aware of the list. Maybe now he will try to make sure you get to it. I sometimes forget that my psychologist is not a mind-reader, and he doesn't always know when I want to talk about something different.
What you said about him working to make you think he's trying reminds me of something mine does. I was forced to go to counseling because I got in trouble at school, and I was not happy about being forced into it. I had also been forced into counseling by my parents when I was younger and did not have good experiences. I told him about this early on, and I said that I resented everyone acting like my problems are all in my head and that they can just send me to a psychologist who will wave the magic wand and make everything better, just by TALKING about it. It was funny, because when I said this, he got this happy look on his face -- I could almost see the light bulb lighting up in his head! I think it was the first time I really voluntarily elaborated on what I was thinking (and I think this was about the 3rd session), and he was so thrilled about this disclosure.
So now, any time he is about to give me advice, he starts out by saying, "Now, I know I'm sort of going into 'problem-solving mode' here, but..." Sometimes, after I say something, he says, "Well, I know that really sucks, and I'm sorry," and then a long pause before giving his "problem-solving mode" comment. I can tell that he is remembering what I said before and making sure he doesn't offend me by acting like my problems are all in my head and all that. He probably thinks he is really clever for it, too.
In a way, I am glad that he is remembering what I said and trying so hard to take my feelings into account, but at the same time, it annoys me a little bit, because it feels like he is trying to appease me, and it seems kind of manipulative. Of course, I know that the other stuff is kind of manipulative, too (his calm demeanor, being nice to me, saying he is not going to reject or abandon me, etc.), but I guess he has more practice at that stuff, so it's more believable.
poster:lonelygirl
thread:323840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/326905.html