Posted by CareBear04 on February 23, 2004, at 17:40:49
My problem is that I canĄŻt make myself talk in therapy. IĄŻve been seeing my therapist three times a week for a little over a month now. Our sessions always start with a discussion about medications and how theyĄŻre working. This takes up maybe a quarter to half of the hour. Sometimes, heĄŻll ask me questions, and IĄŻll give short answers, and then heĄŻll take over talking. I would never be able to free-associate because I censor my thoughts too much, and I generally donĄŻt say things without carefully thinking them through. As a result, my sessions have basically become lectures on psychoanalytic and psychiatric theory, about medications and differential diagnosesĄŠ basically, I listen while my therapist talks. I know this isnĄŻt how he wants it, and I get bored listening, not to mention the fact that I feel like I should be making progress to make it worth the cost. I feel bad because my therapist thinks I donĄŻt want to be there. ThatĄŻs true in part—IĄŻm required to be in therapy in order to remain in school, and I resent being told what to do, but I also want to get better for myself. I really like my therapist, but no matter how much I like someone, there are certain subjects I canĄŻt bring myself to talk about except maybe with close friends. When my gyn made me talk to him about birth control since it could mess with my mood, I could barely have the discussion without turning bright red. Even though heĄŻs a doctor, I was still really uncomfortable. I canĄŻt imagine talking about sex or even my relationship with my boyfriend in therapy. I know these are things youĄŻre supposed to talk about, especially if they are somewhat important in your life, but I canĄŻt make the words come out. I canĄŻt talk about my self-esteem or body image issues because IĄŻm too embarrassed.
The bottom line is that I want to get better and work out issues in therapy. I may not have chosen to be in therapy if I didnĄŻt have to be, but IĄŻd like to make the most out of it. IĄŻm sick of listening to my therapist talk, and heĄŻs sick of talking. He doesnĄŻt know how to help me without being too pushy, especially since IĄŻve had a lot of coercive psychiatric treatment in the past. I donĄŻt know how to start talking about personal, private stuff. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can make sessions more productive?
poster:CareBear04
thread:316930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316930.html