Posted by karen_kay on February 19, 2004, at 20:27:54
In reply to Fighting to relationship, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2004, at 13:48:00
Heck yeah it's worth it. At least in my case.
Bubba and I fight. And sometimes we fight often. Once he even mentioned that we were fighting like a married couple. I told him it's because I love to argue.
And we have some things in common, as well as differences. He's emotional, to the point of getting teary-eyed. I'm not! He's rational and I'm not. He's stable and I'm impulsive (Yes, even during sessions). But, we have similarities as well. We're both rational. We're both caring. And we're both just beautiful people, on the inside I mean, even though I like to assume I'm somewhat attractive and so is he.
And sure, we've both made mistakes. And we're both quick to point these mistakes out to eachother. Maybe I'm a bit quicker than he is, but does that really matter?
The important thing is the progress I've made with him. I've been seeing him as long as my former therapist and I've improved SO much. Sure, I've had my "down time" and I've had some really rough times too, but the progress I've made far outweighs any misunderstandings either of us may have about the other. I readily assume he has some countertransference issues, but I also have some transference issues with him. He's raised several "red flags" of therapy, and I'mnot always willing to point them out, as I know I don't want them to change. I assume that's part of my problem as well as his. But, that isn't the issue at hand.
We both make mistakes. And we argue. And we fight. And we have miscommunications and misunderstandings. But, through these I have learned so much. And I'm willing to take the good with the bad.
I like to think he's reshaping me in some way. And he is. But, I'm reshaping myself as well. He's guiding me and I'm trying to learn to follow his lead, as I hate not having control. But, the thought of me losing Bubba scares me to death. Not because I thik he's my lover, or my father, but because he HAS changed me. And he's taught me. And I have so much more to learn and some much more definition left to be sculpted. I like to believe I'm the piece of clay and he's the artist. Only this piece of clay has a mind of it's own. And sometimes the clay won't cooperate. And sometimes I just melt when he touches me (figuratively of course). Other times I willingly sculpt myself. Then there are the times when this piece of clay has a rock in it and he has to carefully remove the rock. I couldn't imagine another artist trying to mold me. What if I had Van Gogh instead of Monet (yes, I know they are painters and not sculptors, but I'm not familiar with many sculptors).... Could I live my world in a Starry Night instead of Water Lilies? I've lived the night long enough, and Bubba can help make me see the lilies instead.
I think it has a lot to do with faith in another human being. And it has even more to do with the relationship you have. Bubba wants to see me better even more than I want to be better myself. That's what gives me hope that I will one day, finaly be BETTER, FIXED, DONE....
poster:karen_kay
thread:315688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/315868.html