Posted by Dinah on February 19, 2004, at 17:05:10
In reply to Re: Fighting to relationship, posted by pegasus on February 19, 2004, at 15:12:38
The funny thing is that the struggle is somehow what makes it special. Oh, if you were to have asked me in the first five years, I would have had a completely different story to tell you.
I'm also aware that struggling for relationship with some people just wouldn't be worth it. I could struggle till my breath ran out to build a meaningful relationship with my mother or my father without any result. Apparently my therapist has figured this out because he doesn't even try to convince me. A nice dry emotionally bereft relationship works great with my mom. And my dad does best if you think of him as an overtired two year old.
I can't imagine struggling to relationship with my husband either. We're both so similar, and have such similar backgrounds and values, that our relationship seems to work better if we don't delve too deeply, but just treat each other with respect and caring.
But I think there has been something truly valuable in the struggle. I can't really begin to describe it. But it's nothing I had ever experienced before, and it's taught me something that I have since used in relationships with others. I'm not sure I'd have traded it for a smooth relationship for the world.
I guess my question isn't so much for me, although it comes up with other relationships of course. But more when I talk to others. My own experience is something I wish everyone could share. But knowing when it's worth fighting for, or if the result with any given person would be worthwhile, is that just something you have to sense during the give and take and exploratory phase of a relationship?
poster:Dinah
thread:315688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/315797.html