Posted by antigua on February 17, 2004, at 16:49:49
In reply to Re: You're all easy graders » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on February 17, 2004, at 13:24:33
I'm struck how similar our situations are and how different they are at the same time.
I had my EMDR session this morning. I was dreading it because I hadn't been in a couple weeks due to weather and T's absence. I really didn't want to go, what good is it, all I'm going to do is feel bad, etc. So, not knowing what to talk to her about, I told her about this writing I had been doing the past several weeks. There's one scene where the adult me finds a little girl chained to the bed. It just came as an idea, not a dream. Clearly, the little girl is me too. I felt she was horrific, that little girl, all dirty and disgusting, whiney, like a wild child really. The adult me backed off.
Well my EMDR T had me imagine what I would do for that little girl. All I could think of was to comfort her, clean her up and feed her, let her know she was loved, just as I would do w/my own child if I saw she was hurting. It was very weird because I could tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault, what happened, it was like she was the victim of a natural disaster or something, and not something that she caused. But I couldn't actually be the little girl, I'm still not there yet, but it was very helpful.
But what I'm struck by (yes, yes I'm getting to the point!!) is that my T concentrates on helping me find the strength to deal w/what is going on--and not leaning on her. I don't know if this is because she knows I don't ever trust anyone anyway, or what, but I don't have that wonderful sense that so many of you do that you can lean on your T. I can count on her, but it's all up to me. Maybe it's because I won't lean on her? It's too scary, though, I don't know how you guys do it. I admire you all so much.
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:314418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/314801.html